falling forward

For several years now I have had this fascination with nuns. And  as the years have progressed, I have observed fewer and fewer nuns out in the world. My close friends know that from time-to-time I have openly asked, “What happened to all the nuns?” And I have treated the rare sighting of a nun in public like Jack Hanna spotting a snow leopard in Central Park. Simply in awe.

Weird, I know.

So, you have to understand my delight when I recently got on a plane traveling back to Wichita, Kansas only to discover I was seated in the same three chair row with not one, but TWO nuns dressed in full nun regalia. The following is a snippet of an informal recorded interview with my new friends Sister Esmerelda (age 58) and Sister Esther (age 70?) , both are from the Denver area diocese on mission to Wichita, Kansas.

Mat Marquez: Do people ever comment to you on your style of dress?

Sister Esmeralda: Oh, yes. It tends to come up from time-to-time. Especially when we travel across the country.

Sister Esther: More so it seems the young people look at us with curiosity and often want to know what we’re up to being dressed this way.

MM: Does that disappoint you that more people, especially the younger generation, doesn’t recognize your profession or ministry?

Sister Esmeralda: We both noticed the trend happening about thirty years ago. So, at this point, it doesn’t disappoint us near as much as it used to. For both of us, its an opportunity to spread the Good News of the Gospel and have people see us as sincerely committed to the calling our Lord and Savior has placed in our lives. I think it’s just unique packaging for a tremendous message, so I don’t take it as disappointment anymore. Its all an opportunity.

Sister Esther: I agree. It’s really about a unique calling and I think many young women today are looking for just that and we represent one of the most unique and sacred callings a woman can follow. Serving our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in a life of service to his creation.

[Just then airplane PA instructs passengers to turn off all electronic devices. And Sister Esther pulls out an iPhone.]

MM: WHOAH! You have an iPhone?! That’s so…21st century! [laughing loud in disbelief]

Sister Esther: [chuckling] It shocks you I have a cell phone?

MM: Well, kinda. I don’t even have an iPhone and you’re rocking one. That’s pretty cool.

Sister Esther: Our local diocese provides us with one for our travels. We do use technology too. Email, the internet, even some of us text.

MM: Okay, you text? Seriously? I don’t mean to be rude, but my mother is in her early seventies and she has a hard time turning her cell phone on…and you text?

Sister Esther: [laughing heartily] well, I don’t text much. In fact, its a little difficult for my ailing hands, but several of our sisters use text and social networking as a means of staying connected. Its very convenient for our way of life. 

[At this point I so wanted to ask if they had Farmville accounts on Facebook, but resisted the urge]

Sister Esmeralda:  One big misconception people have about a life as a nun, that we’re disconnected from the world and unable to be conversant with the daily happenings of today’s culture. It’s quite the contrary. Several of our priests, sisters in our order, and even Vatican leadership use technology to connect us all and update us on the mission of the Gospel globally.

MM: What kind of things do you share with one another via email or social networking?

Sister Esther: There is a lot happening in the world right now and the needs of God’s people are tremendous. So a lot of what is going-on is notifications and the areas of need many of our parishes are going through. We are often challenged to check our resources and see how we can help each other out.

Sister Esmeralda: Plus we just send each other kind notes. Sometimes pics or daily meditations. We really use technology to continue our callings in support and affirmation of one another and the world around us.

MM: What is your favorite iPhone App?

Sister Esther: Now that is an area where I am overwhelmed. I don’t really purchase apps or use them much. I do use Google Maps quite a bit as we travel. That’s helpful. And one of the sisters installed Urban Spoon on here, in case we ever felt adventureous and wanted to try some new food when we travel, but we have never really used it.

MM: People have to ask you some pretty crazy questions when you travel, right? Has anyone ever asked you if you met Mother Teresa?

Sister Esmeralda: You know, we were just in San Francisco’s Castro district last year and a young lady came up to me and asked me if Esther was Mother Teresa? [Both begin chuckling] We’ve never been to India, never met Mother Teresa. We’re pretty boring in this regard so I’m sure when we get asked the unusual, we disappoint.

MM: Following this lifestyle is a calling of tremendous sacrifice. When did you know this was for you?

Sister Esther: I have four sisters and they all became nuns as well. In my village (Mexico), it’s considered a tremendous honor to go into the priesthood or to follow the convent life. My parents were deeply religious people and their relationship with us and the people around them impacted so many people. It inspired so many people and our family. Like my sisters, I just knew that my life in service of him for blessing me with a family and healthy life was something I wanted to give back. I’m so old now, that I don’t exactly remember the specific moment, but I just say I’ve always known.

MM: Sister Esther, you had four other sisters follow the convent life? Are you sure you’re dad just didn’t “encourage” you into a convent to avoid dealing with all the boys coming around calling for you and your sisters? [chuckling]

Sister Esther: I’m sure that’s one way to look at a possible interpretation of it, but I’m pretty sure it had everything to do with my relationship with God and not my father’s concerns for relationship with boys. Still, I am sure there was some relief. (laughing)

Sister Esmeralda: My story is similar too. I believe it was around fourteen or fifteen for me. My family was very impacted by the Catholic Church. I remember in our worst poverty of growing up in Mexico, we always had food, a home, and clothes for school. And all of it came from the local church. I made friends with our village priest and he challenged me to consider God’s calling in my life. After several years of thought, I just knew this was the journey God was leading me to.

MM: In your line of work, do you meet people skeptical of such things as miracles? Have you witnessed miracles?

Sister Esther: I think we’re at 30,000 feet right now. Not only do I see miracles, I believe in the them too! This plane is a testament to that. You are a testimony to God’s miracles and you know that. Somewhere deep in each one of us, even the most hurt among us, still cries out for miracles. Yes, I believe. I think we all do at some level.

Sister Esmeralda: I have a favorite quote I keep in my bible. It’s from C.S. Lewis: “Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.”

I have met a lot of skeptics in my life. I don’t believe its my job to convince them of those large global letters written, but to simply be a line or two in their own life story that reveals God’s always been working in their lives. And when I see that happen, I know I just witnessed a miracle.

….

Recently I was asked specifically by a close friend, “does God really hear and respond to your questions, your prayers?” I have to admit, even at the risk of sounding like a ‘delusional tool’ I told him, “yeah, He always answers my prayers. Always.”

It’s that simple, but it’s also that tricky too.

There is this great scene in The Matrix Reloaded (part 2 of the series) where Neo goes to meet the Oracle. It’s a very revealing scene in terms of our own human nature and how we respond to the choices (answers) that we arrive at in our lives. Neo comes to the Oracle facing a choice, but the Oracle (knowing all, seeing all) rebuts Neo that his real issue is understanding why he must choose what he has to choose. Neo’s challenge is, just like our own internal struggles with our belief in God’s response or non-response to our prayers, is two-fold:

• How can I trust God when I have so many doubts? Yep, this is a biggee. And as cliche as this might read - it requires the choice of faith from the outset. We tend to want to compile as much empirical data we can before we make a choice most times, but in the end we still have to use judgment. And judgment is nothing more an a well-informed conclusion based on experiential or interpretive data. It’s a well informed hunch. Even more simply, it’s faith. Trust requires we turn it all over to God. And the more we come to understand how he provides for us, the easier it is is to trust, choose, and follow His leading in our lives.

I love the Oracle’s response to Neo’s question of trust: ” Bingo! That is the pickle, no doubt about it. Bad news is there is no way if you can really know if I’m here to help you or not. So it’s really up to you. You’re just gonna have to make-up your own damn mind to either accept what I’m going to tell you or reject it.”

• It’s not the answer to our prayers that is the problem, its really about understanding the answers God provides us with. The Matrix series is about two things: choice and understanding. In the opening scenes of the series, Neo is given a choice of a red pill or the blue pill. One will keep him in the oblivion of the “matrix” and the other will set his mind free to a new level of understanding. Making choices isn’t difficult after awhile for Neo, but understanding the choices he is given is a more difficult reality.

The same holds true in our relationship with God. If we take him at this fullest - always present, all seeing, all knowing -  the the answers we seek from Him really are reflection of what we already know to be the right steps in our lives. The real challenge comes in understanding why he gives us the answers we get from Him and the real choice comes into accepting the answers He provides us with. Will we choose to ignore his answers or will we choose to follow them? Either way, God knows how we will choose and regardless he continues to walk beside us - giving us more opportunities to choose and understand His leading in our lives.

I wished I could write today that beyond a doubt I have always choose the answers that God has provided me with in my life. Or that I have arrived at a point of understanding His character and how it operates best in my life. Quite contrary! I am a messy, roughed-up, flawed, metro-masculine-emo-type-of-guy who has to work it out daily with God. However, since I have arrived at point where I can now realize God’s handiwork in my life, I now know He loves me. He watches out for me. He provides for me. I understand he answers each of my prayers. I just wish I could always accept His answers without so much struggling.

As a follower of Christ, you may have heard the following line bantered about, “Let go, let God.” It’s kind of a big deal in the faith community as it says the complex nature of our relationship with God simply.

Like the recovery community, the faith community has its little mantras or clichés to remind itself of how to progress through the daily grind. We like the simple stuff, the palatable, easy-to-compress-shiny-happy-shrink-wrapped lines that make our lives more efficient. Lines like this in our faith feel good, feel comfortable, like a good pair of sweat pants and our favorite t-shirt as we settle in front of another evening of television.

It just feel right.

However the reality is, if we’re being honest with ourselves, this little mantra isn’t as comfortable as we speak it. This little ditty is about our will versus God’s will for our lives.

Yeah, not so touchy-feely in retrospect, huh?

I’m not here to state God’s will is a bad thing, for sure it isn’t. But, seriously – we like our will, our determination, the fires of our desires that burn deep within. That’s the stuff that moves us from scenario to scenario, isn’t? And in the end of it all, to submit our will would be to potentially hinder our daily survival, right? I mean, God’s will might be that I complete fast for Lent or start actually giving him my tithes in the truest form – and I have to survive out here! I have to eat, provide, and fight for my daily life after all. Right? If I don’t work for my survival, I would probably starve or something. Once that starts going down hill, heck it’s over. After all, we’re supposed to struggle and suffer through this life after the whole Adam and Eve debacle, right?

Heck, I don’t wake-up asking God if I should go to work, eat, be a good employee, care about the people in my life. Do you? Seriously, we have like a bajillion things to do daily in our lives and we certainly don’t stop and ask God what we should be doing at every turn. We just wake-up, face the day, and do what we gotta do. We may not like this but we sort of like God in the periphery don’t we? Let’s keep our relationship with him to before meals, bedtime, and when our family is sick. Right?

So what am I getting at here? Try as though we might say we do, we rarely give God any sincere margin of our will. To do so would be to ask for life altering circumstances to be ushered in. I mean let’s face it, God might call me to sell everything, give it to the poor, and move to India to tend to lepers in the streets of Calcutta. Turning our will over to him is to usher in a divine storm that would sweep away the pavilions of our grand illusions that let us believe we’re in control.

Yeah, don’t know if I’m up for that today.

Something like this calls for extraordinary strength and a peace of mind that everything is going to turn out as planned. How did that work-out for Jeremiah? Ezekiel? Job?! John the Baptists eating locusts, seriously?! Mother Teresa? Martin Luther King, Jr.? If that’s the game, I’m not ready. Give it all to God - he takes all. I think I’m not near brave enough for such an undertaking.

How about you?

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Passage for the Week: “For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk , but of power.” ~ 1 Cor. 4:20

We all have heard motivational lines used by speakers like:

“Be all you can be.”

“You cant plow a field by turning it over in your mind.”

“The best way out is always through.”

“Don’t wait till the iron is hot to strike, but make it hot by striking it.”

And like a lot of motivational lines, we file them away. Eventually someone turns them into a cliche riddled power point slide show someone mass forwards you (me) in a cheesy email.

But a few weeks ago, Heath Bechler introduced me to one that resonated with me personally, professionally, and even spiritually. It comes from Hall of Fame Football Coach Tony Dungy,

“Expectations. Execution. No explanations. No Excuses.”

Simply broken down: Know your expectations (for work, personal and spiritual life) and execute on them daily. If it’s something you believe in, then no explanations or excuses will truly satisfy you until you have achieved.

I actually have this sign hanging-up in my bathroom. I see it every morning when I get ready for the day. I remind myself of this mantra. I visualize my expectations and plan my strategy out for executing to achieve.

I wished this is something I could say I achieve every day, but it’s a process. Something that requires discipline - and even this requires a steadfast execution.

And in many ways our relationship with God requires this too.

Did you know God has expectations for each of us (Jerimiah 29:11, Matthew 28, etc) as followers of Christ?

How have you executed upon God’s expectations for your life? Hopefully better than I have on my New Years resolutions!

Likewise, have you told God your expectations for your life, your family, your career? If you haven’t, that’s a conversation that you need to have too.

But at the end of the day, like all good motivational lines, these words of expectation and execution can simply be just that - words on a sign hanging in the private rooms of our minds - never really acted upon. Execution lays in our hands to take action upon.

God wants to talk with each of us about our expectations, but failure to execute on them is to remove the power he wants to reveal to each of you.

And in the end, none of our explanations or excuses will ever satisfy  the desires of our heart that he has written deep within each of us.

Be excellent this week, friends.

faithhopeLovewins,

mathew marquez

KTC Chaplain.

Winter, oh Winter,  you’re a vexing collector of my spirit!

You eclipse my waning holiday buzz,

Laying claim to my days - dragging each one out,

Leaving me grumpy - leaving me in a perpetual pout.

Oh sure, you tease my summer longing heart,

With bright sun, clear skies, and a wafting sensation of warmth,

Only to lure me from my man cave to subject me to your deceitful chill.

You tortuous temptress of my aging bones! You have broken my will!

I pledge my life -my death -to your seasonal sisters: Spring, Summer and Autumn!

May their songs continue to woo my weary and chilled body,

As I celebrate the rise and fall of each passing day,

Knowing that your chilly sting is less and less.

Oh Winter, you torturous temptress of my aging bones!

You suck.

As a pastor for several years, one of the more pressing questions that often came my way was, “How do I know what God’s will for my life is?” And in the beginning years of my ministry the ‘correct’ answer always seemed to elude me when responding to this question. I suppose partly I wanted to give them proofs of my education or cite how the “masters” of faith wrestled with this question over the centuries. Ultimately, I’m sure many people walked away more confused than relieved.

What a putz I was!

However, through the years I have arrived at more Forrest Gump-like approach, “simple is as simple does”. And with a sincere desire to resist over-complicating the answer to the question, I have arrived at an answer that does seem to satisfy me and one I’m comfortable with sharing. This was something passed on to me a couple of years ago by a friend and mentor, and now on to you … to share with those around you.

As the illustration details there are FIVE key parts essential to ‘knowing’ God’s will for our lives. Let’s look at each one:

#1: An Open Mind
If you’re a thinker (or over thinker) like myself, then this is a biggee. I encourage you all to read the scriptures, daily. Engage it all intellectually and the things that seem too unbelievable or plausible – take those things to God … and allow him to respond. Remember, God wants to share in the life journey with you. He has plans for you and your family that Steven Spielberg couldn’t even dream-up. Open your mind to the options that God wants to put before you. Remember this: ”For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but of power.” (1 Cor. 4:20) God wants to engage your thoughts and challenge your thinking, but he also wants to show you too. Have a mind open to the idea of engaging him as he leads you.

#2: Ears to Listen
Samuel apparently had been doing a lot of thinking about God’s will for his life up to this point in the scripture (1Sam 3:10). I think about 97% of everyone is this boat most times regarding God’s will for our lives. But few us readily engage the most important ingredient in effective communication: listening. I understand we all have a lot to say and God certainly wants to listen, but he has some things he would like to share too. Make sure you listen.

#3: A Heart for God
This is key too. At this point, it’s critical to a relationship with Jesus Christ. Have you given your heart over to him? Has Jesus Christ become the LORD and Savior of your life? If you can’t answer yes to any of these, then the journey to understanding God’s will for you is going to be difficult. It will be kind of like refusing to upgrade your television’s antenna reception to the new digital converter. You’ll get nothing but static and most certainly frustration.

Remember this: As a follower of Jesus Christ ”You show that you are a letter from Christ … written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone, but on the tablets of the human heart.”(2Cor 3:3)

#4: Working hands, ready for work
This is similar to #2 in regards to your participation with God’s work. Often we struggle so much with “what is God’s will?” that we come to a complete standstill and inactive. We all have “friends” that won’t do a thing (go a missions trip, help out at church, lead a small group, or volunteer at a shelter, etc.) UNTIL they KNOW what God’s will is for their lives.

And quite honestly, that sucks.

There’s a lot of truth in the saying “idle hands are the devils playground” - but not just because of what being idle will lead to in your own life, but what being idle prevents from happening in the lives of others. Sometimes the physical actions of our lives in the community around us is the very message people need to see that God loves them, responds to their prayers, is active about them , etc. Resistance to being active in your community until you KNOW God’s will is simply selfish.

#5: Ready Feet
”How beautiful are the feet that bring good news!”Romans 10:15


As followers of Christ, we cannot ignore the “go component” of Matthew 28. We should always be advancing the Kingdom of God everywhere life takes us. Even in the moments of uncertainty regarding God’s will for our own lives. It’s important to understand that while knowing God’s will for our lives is important in our own walk, but it’s pretty small in the scope of God’s will for the world. We may not like that answer, but it’s evident through God’s word and he is clearly intent on using his body of followers to engage the world. His desire is the ”none should perish” and regardless of your doctrinal views – demanding from God to know your will versus serving the will of God is selfish waste of critical time.

Finally, in your pursuits of God’s will for you life, if at any point the journey leads back to you in selfish way, then it’s not God’s will. God certainly has a plan to see you blessed, prosperous, and righteous in character, but all these things can only be achieved by allowing God to work through you into the world.

So this week, continue to press forward in your pursuits for God’s will. Just make sure that you submit your entire person to the cause of Christ. As you do, the details will become clearer with each step.

I pinkie promise.

(**please take a moment to watch the video posted above as it corresponds to this weeks message**)

The artist/collaborator of the above video, MadV, is considered one of the web’s most influential and viral content producers for the last several years. Yet, rarely, if ever, does he actually appear in the videos. His identity and location is unknown.  He has been offered a lot of money to come out of hiding and promote for global corporations only to continually refuse to take the money. For MadV, the message is the most important part of what his mission is about. Nothing else.

So today, in light of this video, I have to wonder what the message is we will be sending out as providers, counselors, and mentors to a community of people that need a life changing message.

Will it be based strictly the program or curriculum that you run?

Will it be so instructional that it’s minus such things as faith, hope, or love?

Will it be bound by the fear of engaging the soul, the intrinsic child-like dreams within us all?

Or will it be conveyed with more than words? Conveyed by the active listening, obvious concern, and the guiding hands of treatment by counselors who know the road our clients are on? Leaders who don’t walk ahead of  their clients, but walk with … and sometimes even pick-up when they fall down?

You see, the message we speak as a team - as humans - won’t be received by the just words we profess, but by the actions of our lives in the lives of others.

This is a message that is written on the very pages of your soul and translated by the actions of our hands in the lives of those we are called to serve.

And finally, Team KTC, focus on living-out-loud what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, and joyful! (Philippians 4:8) … a message worth living!

faithhopeLovewins,

Mat Marquez

KTC Chaplain